Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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