Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
