you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
