I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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