my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
