At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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