I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
