is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
