why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
