I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Four minutes until I can fart!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
