We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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