That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
