I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
