I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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