I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
