Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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