I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
