I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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