Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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