oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize