i think i have two assholes
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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