I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
