worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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