was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
