ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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