apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
