I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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