I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
