he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
