She said her name was "party"
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
