I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
