I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
