if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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