I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize