just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize