Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
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