Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
