before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
