I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
