she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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