He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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