1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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