we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
