I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
