just come out here and I will go home with you...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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