That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize