I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
