I wanna bring you to show and tell
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your penis caused this!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
