i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
