i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
