i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
