The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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