can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sarcasm needs its own font
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
