KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
