she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
