Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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