only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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