Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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