i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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