Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize