This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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