So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize