Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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