I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
did i walk over a car last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
