I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
